The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
