Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
