Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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