just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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