The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
