It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
