my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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