Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
