if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
