I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
