When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
