The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
