Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
