I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That accounts for only three of the penises
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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