Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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