OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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