I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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