capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize