i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
