I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
