im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
