foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
