hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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