Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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