her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
