i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize