I look better un-naked...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
