So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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