a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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