I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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