Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
