No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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