sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
