I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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