Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
