We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize