I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
