3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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