They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize