I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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