I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
