the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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