Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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