i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
