i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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