dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
