Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
