it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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