Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
