weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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