I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
