You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
