We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
