I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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