It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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