my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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