i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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