i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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