I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
