hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Two words: blizzard sex
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
