hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
jump out the window naked night went bad
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
