This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
