Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
