If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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