woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
