if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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