I hate your face
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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