i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
