He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
