He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
