oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
