so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
