If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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